Melbourne Criteriums - "For fuck's sake!"

I did my 1st criterium last weekend on the 20th and my 2nd today. I have to admit it's EXTREMELY addictive! The thrill of jostling for your place, the hypnotic drawing of deep breaths, split-second decisions - it's like a drug!


The criteriums are held by St. Kilda Cycling Club (SKCC) at White St., south Melbourne. It's a pretty good course - the corners vary between wide swings where most people can pedal through and sharp, sub-90 degree bends where everyone's got to hold their line. Best of all, everyone knows what they're doing! My greatest worry was the possibility of wrecking my bike because of someone's misjudgment. That was how my 1st beloved race bike was ruined, and there was no way I would jeopardise this one - especially when it's my 21st birthday present.


Turns out these fears aren't important in Australia. People here know what they're doing - they've been taught how to race properly in the guided E Grade bunch before moving up the proper racing grades - D to A. No one undercuts on corners, everyone holds their line, there isn't any jam-braking by jittery idiots (which was how my 1st bike was destroyed). Everyone knows what they're doing, and race marshals riding alongside the peloton make sure everything works well!


Strategically speaking, my 1st crit was a farce. It wasn't the fitness that was the problem - keeping up wasn't an issue - it was my position in the pack. I placed myself in the pack of the bunch thinking it was the most economical position. After every corner, I had to work so much harder to regain speed because the back of the bunch tends to lag behind the front by a considerable margin. People were constantly trying to move up and everytime I held a god wheel near the front, I'd lose it because I let down my guard or stayed too far left on a corner, allowing others to overtake on the right.


The excess layer I wore and the lack of a warm-up was another newbie mistake. The crits tend to start hard, mellow a little along the way, then pick up again as the final 3 laps approach. Talking to a former Grade A racer, he told me that you have to whack yourself on the warm up. He's right - once you're that warm, the inner layer of clothing isn't necessary and you're ready for the quick accelerations of the initial third of the race.


Today, I took his advice. I warmed up hard, staying just at the border of my lactate threshold while wearing a gillet. The removable gillet acted like a track suit - it kept me warm until I took it off at the start line. This time, I started up front and stayed there. When someone moved up on my right, I followed. I kept my placing, enjoyed a good draft, kept a lot of speed on the corners and was in the 6th or 8th wheel on the final 2 laps.


Then we caught up with the B Grade bunch who were racing simultaneously. The assholes blocked the entire race course. Whenever they caught us, we'd give way. When we caught them, they didn't reciprocate. The marshals were yelling, the D Graders swearing - "Keep left B Grade!" "For fuck's sake!" "We did the same for you!"


I lost sight of my bunch. By the time we were clear of the B Graders (who should perhaps return to E Grade), I realised my race was over. Literally - the marshal had stopped waving the checkered flag. I didn't even realise we had finished the last lap. The D Grade peloton was fractured beyond all recognition. "For fuck's sake!"


Last week, D Grade averaged 36.4 Km/H. Hamley said "That was a fast D Grade today", and we were often going in the low 40's. Today, we averaged 39.4 Km/H ! Hamley said "That's the fastest I've ever seen for a D Grade". In comparison, the average for the C Grade winner is 40.3 Km/H. Hmm, it didn't feel too bad on the body. It seems like the secret lies in keeping your pedaling rhythm, knowing how to take places and keep them - especially through corners - and sprinting out of them again.


And for fuck's sake warm up HARD!


Next week, I'll go for Coburg Cycling Club's criterium. I heard it's easier? The MUcyc guys were placing in every grade, with one winning B Grade.